Awesome God

God is

Always
Wowing,
Exceeding,
Surpassing
Our
Many
Expectations!

Life: A Tapestry of Friendships

Friends are like siblings God didn't put in our families but gives us the opportunity to earn them. Family members are sometimes friends.

A friend will be there to cry with you in bad times; laugh with you in good times; strategize with you in tough times; gets you moving when you are being slow; tells you off when you are being unreasonable... And all other clichés you've heard of.

Friends are there for a season - your whole life season, single season, divorce season, career season, loneliness season. I've had all sorts of friends and though some may no longer be friends I thank God for their contributions to the season.

• The friends that helped me through my broke days in university - shared their meals when I had none.
• The friends that studied with me through my professional qualification - woke me up at night to study.
• The friends that stand by me when I'm low and standby to hold my hands and lift me up - praying for my health, advising & encouraging through career lows.
• The friends that thought me worthy of their friendship even when my life was without direction - talking to me about my wrong life choices, risking my wrath and exposing their hidden weaknesses.

Those friends were and are a part of the tapestry of my life.

I'm currently crocheting an afghan of 11 colours - grey, blue,copper, burgundy, brown, teal, sea green, baby pink, light yellow, magenta, lime green. Some of those colours are vibrant and some are dull; I love some and like some; some standout and some blend in with others. These colours all remind me of my friends and collectively of my life. A mix of experiences.

I am thankful to God for the friends that have helped shape the person I am today. I am thankful that although I fought some of them, in hindsight I see them as friends. I am thankful for second chances with some - to reconnect with an understanding of what they mean to me.

Thank-you friends - Seasonal or Forever friends.

(I wrote this blog on a weekend away with friends and I had them in mind while writing. You know yourselves and so do some of those I have referred to above.)

Tribute to my Pastor Bimbo Odukoya

Written on the 14th of December 2005 while working at Congleton all alone grieving.

Pastor Bim – God’s role model to our generation

She definitely did God proud, as a wife, a mother, a pastor, a Christian. We love her and wish she could remain with us forever (till Christ comes calling) but God had other plans. When I heard she had survived the plane crash - I imagined the testimony she will give in church. But that would have been just one person's testimony (with Pastor Bim, we know that's equal to thousands), now in her death millions her talking about her. Not about how beautiful she was but the real testimony is about how she served in God's kingdom.

She served God with passion (even more passion than I had when I first answered God's call) till the very end - she died in battle. All of us who remain must emulate her. I wonder if I can be that passionate about the kingdom of God - but rather than ponder I will act. In my own little way, I will make sure that all she taught and lived is not lost on me. I will seek to please God in all I do.What will people say about me when I die? Would I be remembered for pleasing God and doing His work? Or will I be remembered for living my life?For Pastor Bim - I remember her for living her life which was all about pleasing God. She was God's role model to our generation.

Size 0 ain't my thang!

Just thought I should balance my views after the 31.7 kg lighter blog.

Size 0 ain’t my aim! I’m not trying to be skinny – slim would be nice. I don’t begrudge ladies that sit down, crouch and yet have no folds. I’m not jealous that some people can walk around all day in a tight body-clinging fabric (called a tube dress in 90s). I think they are all very lucky particularly when they reach the big 3-0 and start to fill out naturally or by reason of baby brooding. At this point in their lives they put on a few pounds and start to look like what us plus-size people aim for.

But let’s spare a thought for all the skinny ladies that were size 0 in their adolescent years who had to put up with being ignored at parties because the boys were interested in the early springers. All their jeans looked like the ‘boyfriend’ cut before it was fashionable.

My point is there are downsides to being skinny, fat or even ideal weight.

Skinny (Young & lonely, old & happy)
If you start out skinny, then you probably have endured some lonely parties in your adolescent years. You get to 30 and you start to fill up and you are in good stead.

Ideal (Young & happy, old & bothered)
If you start out an ideal weight, it’s fun while growing up. Then you get to 30 and start to fill up. Aaargh! Where is the gym? You are used to being perfect and that’s suddenly disappeared!

Fat (Young & just ok, old & happy with yourself)
If you start out plus size (Like me! My mum thought she was expecting twins) – then you start out quite ok, because some boys will mistake the fat for curves. By the time, you are approaching 30, you have to be best friends with your personal trainer! And that goes on for life till you just don’t care anymore.

My recommendation to you is to make sure you are healthy and then work out which body size you are comfortable with (your self esteem depends on you).

31.7 kg Lighter

Over the past 15 months I have taken up exercise and joined Weight Watchers. Before that, I would do a 30-minute fast paced walk on the treadmill and then help myself to a bucket of cornflakes. I had been at this for a few weeks, when I had a review with the gym instructor (M). Lo and behold the scale declared that I was 3 kg heavier than when I started out. I was fast approaching the scale limit or the “Error!!!” weight.

It was then that M suggested that I join Weight Watchers (WW) to get my food intake to acceptable levels while I continued my treadmill adventure. I joined Weight Watchers on the 24th of June 2009 and I have lost 70lbs (31.7kg) to date. This isn’t intended to be a soft sell for WW but I think it is money well spent. I still love food but I’m in control of my eating and the foods I eat. By the way, with WW when you reach your ideal weight (BMI determined) you stop paying.

On the exercise end of things, I soon got bored of the treadmill and started to take on other contraptions like the stepper, the cross trainer, the bike, the rowing machine etc… Previously these things looked like instruments of torture that were designed to punish the foolish gym members of society while the wiser public just dieted. Same result – lose weight – or so I thought then. Yes, you lose weight by dieting but that doesn’t help you metabolism or heart health or arm strength etc…

My blog today is not so much about WW or gym or exercise, but more importantly about the GOOD side of weight loss. Weight loss has given me an extra dose of confidence, made me more outgoing, daring and yes I said it beautiful.
I totally agree that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder but losing weight helps the beholders to find the beauty in your face.

31.7kg lighter and I wear less make up because my beautiful eyes are more obvious and are not covered up with the swollen mounds I called my cheeks. The mounds have gone and revealed nicely defined cheekbones. My skin is still a work in progress but definitely watch this space. Not quite Eva Longoria or Halle Berry or Genevieve Nnaji (for the 9ja’s) but beautiful all the same.

31.7kg lighter and a party invitation does not give me the creeps because old friends will falter when they see me and pay me a compliment about my hair or my shoes or my bag or anything else but that fat body. A party invite now gets me all excited about seeing my friends and catching up or even making new friends.

31.7kg lighter and a bicycle is no longer a miracle. I learnt how to ride a bicycle this year and it just seems so easy. 6-mile treks now hold the promise of discovery and not a promise of pain and torture.

31.7kg lighter has made me younger. You can talk to my doctor for the medical evidence but definitely feel younger and enjoy childish games even more – hopscotch and skipping are now things I do to spice up my gym time.

Doing Good & God

I have just finished reading The Help by Kathryn Stockett. A fantastic read.

Apart from messing up the few bits of the English language that I have tried to master, the book was one of the best books I have read in recent times. As a black person you feel sorry for the black women who worked as maids in Mississippi but you also get the sense that they were strong and had the resilience required to survive. It is that resilience that makes me feel proud that I’m black and female.

I’m glad that I’m not a maid and that slavery, segregation etc… were way before my time but there are still similarities in the present day particularly in the corporate world. Just like Lou Anne / Louvenia (good) and Hilly / Minny (bad) in The Help – you have similar relationships still existing today. The good ones are in abundance and can be seen between neighbours who invite you to their homes for coffee, offer you a ride in their cars or strangers who make space for you on the train. The bad ones are still thriving too. It is more subtle but it exists. It is there when you are passed over for promotions because you are too “aggressive” or you are not social enough; when people give up their space on the toilet queue because you just came out of the toilet; when people refuse to collect their change from you at the checkout till.

The divide is no longer black vs white. It has new dimensions – Oxbridge educated vs the other graduates; black vs brown; Asians vs Caucasians; employed vs NEETs (Not in Employment, Education or Training); poor vs rich. It is part of life and I don’t think it is ever going to go away completely. These artificial divides provide us with some incentive to improve ourselves. Sociologists probably know the advantages of having these divides. I’m not one, so I’m going to drop this topic but before I do, Kathryn Stockett suggests that the book was written for women (I think it applies to men as well) to realise that “We are just two people. Not that much separates us. Not nearly as much as I’d thought.”

Another thought that I had from reading The Help was how closely God and doing good are linked. I noticed that the more good or morally upright that Skeeter became, the more awareness of God she had. I think that people do good because God in His invincible manner makes us do good. Sometimes we are not aware that it is God working in us but we feel compelled to do good – we help others, show love to the down trodden. Society often refers to doing good as having a moral coding. What is a moral code and who did the coding?

Roller Coaster

Past few days have been a roller-coaster. I was put at risk of redundancy at work. I love my office - the building and amenities. I like my job because I’m comfortable with what I do, perhaps too comfortable. I don’t want to leave but then I’m probably not working at my full potential. I can do more than what I do now and that includes what I do in my spare time.

I have been made redundant before but I had a choice back then – move up north with the company or be made redundant. It is different now – I have a choice that is not mine to make. More like there are options which “may” arise before the actual decision on redundancy is made.

This feels like a test of my faith. I have told people (more like testified) that God came through for me when I was made redundant before. Yes, He did come through for me but in retrospect the outlook was a lot less gloomy – I didn’t have as much debt and liabilities as I do now, the economy was not in recession, I was a tad bit younger (I’ve managed to find the secret to youthfulness so I don’t age as fast as a calendar), had more self confidence ‘cause I was a big fish in a smaller pond ….

Now I feel like I have to trust God, I have to walk in faith like I advised friends, I’ve got to find another job or start a successful business otherwise, I will really have to trust God. Yes, I’ve just gone back to the very beginning – trust God, depend on him, believe that this will all work out for my good. How do I trust Him?

... Stop worrying? That’s almost impossible when bills keep arriving on schedule.
... Start listening to Him? That’s difficult, when I am struggling to pray as much as I used to.

How do I trust Him and yet play my part in the process? My part is to pray and ask for His guidance, to find and apply to relevant vacancies, to keep focused at work, home and church. God will decide what and when the next steps will be, with whom and where I will find favour…

What is my purpose in life?

People, or rather pastors and church leaders keep talking about finding your purpose in life. Discovering what you were created to do on this earth. In the Christian communities your purpose almost always has to be charity work or something along the Christian ministry lines. For many years I have been trying to discover my purpose but it seems to change with my location, my job, my network of friends… and I am still quite confused about this “purpose” stuff.

• I once thought my purpose in life was to be a creative evangelist, spreading the Good News through a series of covert activities – I soon ran out of ideas for these missions and got frustrated by the lack of response.
• I once thought it was being a photographer, taking pictures and reflecting beauty in everything and everyone, including those tagged as ugly – I moved to a different country and saw that most things were already beautiful.
• I once thought it was to mentor young people who were struggling in areas that I had struggled with in the past – I often found that the young people could also mentor me in areas that I am struggling with now.
• I once thought it was to serve in ministry – but I’m struggling to believe that I have found my purpose. While I get some fulfilment from serving, I also get very disturbed when I feel things are not done my way. It seems the more I serve, the less perfection I see.

When I think of purpose, I believe the only way to find it – is to find what you love to do. Something that you can do 24/7. Something that you feel you can do till you die. Perhaps something that you have to do before you die or in other words – you won’t mind death once you have done or started doing it! A good example is Mother Theresa who died doing what she was supposedly created to do.

Perhaps I am struggling with my purpose only because I’m at the wrong level of Maslow’s hierarchy of need (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow). Maybe when I get to Self Actualisation I might just discover what my purpose is.

Or have I actually known/walked in my purpose(s) at the various seasons of my life? Maybe purposes do change with time and circumstance.

Planning my funeral

I was listening to “God Is Here” by Martha Munizzi and it is one of those songs that make me want to plan my funeral. Not that I’m thinking of dying anytime soon but there are just some songs that make me feel like planning my funeral. Another is “In Christ Alone” by Stuart Townsend.

The thought of dying used to scare me a lot until I read “The Shack” by Paul Young (and that is not an invitation for Satan & friends to bargain with God for my death) but now I sort of think that if God allows it then it is probably for the good of the everyone/everything else.

What are the pros or cons to me dying?
Pros
1. Death in service benefits for my listed beneficiaries
2. Someone gets my job / better job security for my colleagues
3. No more worries (for me)

Cons
1. Loved ones will miss me (I can count on my oldest niece to miss me)
2. Purpose in life not completed – not sure I have even started
3. No descendants (for me)

I think I will be ready to go when I have converted the cons to pros. For example:

• my loved ones may miss me but it would be a pro if they had the understanding & confidence that I had gone to meet my God and was in a better place. And that they must walk with God in order to be re-united with me.
• my purpose / mission in life has been identified and actions taken to fulfil it or for others to carry on with it
• descendants!!! I guess if it is part of my purpose / mission… No way, I can’t finish that – I want to get married someday. Somewhere in the bible it says to every living thing, God will give a mate. I still want mine.

First blog

Finally created my blogspot account. I've been dreaming about this for a while now.

I plan to write a few lines whenever I need to talk - happy, sad, moody or excited.

If you just wandered to my blogspot please do wander back here soon.