Roller Coaster

Past few days have been a roller-coaster. I was put at risk of redundancy at work. I love my office - the building and amenities. I like my job because I’m comfortable with what I do, perhaps too comfortable. I don’t want to leave but then I’m probably not working at my full potential. I can do more than what I do now and that includes what I do in my spare time.

I have been made redundant before but I had a choice back then – move up north with the company or be made redundant. It is different now – I have a choice that is not mine to make. More like there are options which “may” arise before the actual decision on redundancy is made.

This feels like a test of my faith. I have told people (more like testified) that God came through for me when I was made redundant before. Yes, He did come through for me but in retrospect the outlook was a lot less gloomy – I didn’t have as much debt and liabilities as I do now, the economy was not in recession, I was a tad bit younger (I’ve managed to find the secret to youthfulness so I don’t age as fast as a calendar), had more self confidence ‘cause I was a big fish in a smaller pond ….

Now I feel like I have to trust God, I have to walk in faith like I advised friends, I’ve got to find another job or start a successful business otherwise, I will really have to trust God. Yes, I’ve just gone back to the very beginning – trust God, depend on him, believe that this will all work out for my good. How do I trust Him?

... Stop worrying? That’s almost impossible when bills keep arriving on schedule.
... Start listening to Him? That’s difficult, when I am struggling to pray as much as I used to.

How do I trust Him and yet play my part in the process? My part is to pray and ask for His guidance, to find and apply to relevant vacancies, to keep focused at work, home and church. God will decide what and when the next steps will be, with whom and where I will find favour…